Yes. I said it.
We all think about it. We all want it. And we all (well, I’m assuming for the most part) want to be better at it.
“I want to be mediocre in bed.” – Said no one ever.
Yet, we all have a hard time talking about it. So, I figured I’d break the ice and open up conversation about sex, since 1) I love talking about it and 2) after reviewing my client’s assessment forms, I find that “a lack of libido” is one of the main complaints that I receive. An issue that I’m finding also plagues my younger clientele.
This, worries me.
This, we must fix.
There are many reasons why we may lose interest in sex or have a difficult time expressing our sexual prowess: hormonal fluctuations, stress, lack of sleep, repressed emotions, significant life changes, prescription medications, negative thoughts about our own body, body-image issues, and fear of judgment, among the most common.
Regardless of what the reason is, there are a few quick things that we can do that will instantly boost our mojo, and those include: cleaning up the diet, reducing our stress, getting better sleep, removing prescription drugs (I’m not saying to stop taking your medications, just saying that certain drugs can decrease your libido.)
Basically, when dealing with low libido, or if you are trying to maximize your potency, it generally comes down to hormones and emotions. Emotions and hormones. You can’t really say one without the other, as Candace Pert showed in her book the Molecules of Emotions, our emotions actually create specific hormonal responses. And certain hormonal responses create specific emotions. Meaning, when we are happy, our body releases certain chemicals that affect certain cells in our body. This is why we smile when we’re happy and frown when we’re sad.
In regards to issues around sex, sexuality or intimacy, we must consider the 2nd chakra. And here is where I will get a little woo-woo on you. The 2nd chakra, or sacral chakra is associated with our reproductive organs (testes and ovaries), our sexuality, and our relationship with others. When we suppress feelings regarding sex or sexuality, we can not only create energy blockages in the 2nd chakra, but these repressed feelings can also show up physically in tense muscles, especially those in the hip region.
Considering this, if I have a client who mentions that their sex life is a little lack luster, I will typically include some exercises, in conjunction with a healthy eating plan, to be done in the morning to help bring life back to this energy zone in the body as well as release muscular tension. Muscular tension and repressed emotions go hand in hand, and typically when you can alleviate one, the other is soon to follow. Ever notice when you’re stressed you tend to elevate your shoulders creating tight traps, neck and shoulders? Take a breath, relax, or get a massage and you’ll notice some of this tension dissipates.
The exercises that I’ve chosen have an emphasis on bringing movement to the 2nd chakra as well as releasing muscular tension with the hip flexors, with an emphasis on the psoas muscle, which, can trap in and hold onto unrepressed emotional issues with a death grip like that of a hyena. (Horrible analogy).
According to Liz Koch, author of “The Psoas Book” and “Core Awareness” the psoas muscle, is not really a muscle at all, but a dynamic and supple tissue that can be broken down into a category all of it’s own.
Lying in about the same position as where we’d find the 2nd chakra, when we release tension within the psoas we can theoretically also release stored emotions and release blocked energy in this chakra, the sexy chakra.
Couple repressed sexual feelings with sitting down at a desk all day and you’ll have some pretty angry psoas muscles and a wonky 2nd chakra. Not a great combination for sexines. From my experience of healing my own body and releasing suppressed emotions, as well as the positive outcomes from my clients doing chakra-specific exercises, I’ve come up with a workout designed specifically to make you a better lover.
The “Be a Better Lovah Morning Circuit” I call it. And it goes something like this:
Morning Circuit (this is to be done first thing in the morning. Not only will it help bring energy back to your sexy zone, but it is also a great way to start your morning. Don’t blame me if you’re late for work because you may find yourself climbing back in bed to your partner afterwards….)
- Hip Rolls x 12-15
- Leg Slides x 8-10 each leg
- Knee Tucks x 10 – 12
- Cat Cow Stretch x 10
- Swan Dive x 8-10
- Leg Circles x 5/leg in each direction
- Active Rest Position x 1 – 3 minutes
- Pelvic Breathing x 2-3 minutes
Hip Rolls – This exercise targets both the 1st and 2nd chakra, and focuses on bringing movement back into the hips through the back and forth rocking motion we call pelvic-femoral rhythm (that just sounds sexy). This exercise also opens the hip flexors, typically a very tight and energy tense area of the body.
Swan Dive – This exercise is actually one of my favorite pilates exercises to teach. Great for the 4th or heart chakra, which plays a synergistic role with our 2nd chakra. Heart, love and sex all play nicely together, so it helps to include this.
Constructive Rest Position – Not exactly an exercise, but more of an active unactive rest position. Meaning, you’re really not doing anything, but you really are…sorta. From the Psoas Book I mentioned earlier, Liz Koch suggests maintaining this position for up to 20 mintues a day to not only release the psoas, but to release emotional feelings as well. By lying on the back, relax your body and bring your attention to your breath. You can use the pelvic breathing exercise along with the Constructive Rest Postion.
Note: The picture below shows the Constructive Rest Position with the feet on the floor. However, if you are feeling any lower back pain, place your heels on a coffee table or chair so that your legs are supported in the air in a 90 degree angle.
Pelvic Breathing – Truth be told, I made up this term. But the premise here is really super deep breathing. Like deep down in your pelvic floor. For women, think about breathing deep into your pelvic basin, like all the way “down there”. Focus on sending your breath to this area. Fill your lungs in all directions, three-dimensionally, front, sides, back, top and bottom. Allow your abdomen to expand and feel as if your pelvic basin open with each inhale, and gently closing when exhaling.
Although I recommend doing this first thing in the morning (our sexy-time hormones are at their highest in the morning) they can also be done throughout the day, as part of your typical workout routine, or even after a long day of work. If you work behind a desk these exercises will also help release hip and back tension caused from sitting down all day. Help your posture and help your sex. It’s a win-win.